Saturday morning. Treated myself to a nice lunch by myself in one of the best Italian restaurants this side of town. It wasn’t so bad, despite my table in between couples dining in. I guess there are some stuff you just get used to.
Sunday night. Almost watched an inspiring Christmas lights and sound show somewhere in Makati. Problem was it rained, and they couldn’t get their act together. Thought about if I can say the same for myself, but then the Church bells chimed and for not so obvious reasons, I needed to relocate myself lest the hypocrisy that would eventually envelope the sound system would hit me. Relocated somewhere cozy. Too cozy that, again, couples were cuddling left and right. Rain drizzles, and yeah, needed to go meet company.
Tuesday night. Walked a 4km stretch on the way home. Almost roadkill on three to four counts, but I digress. Cold wind to go by when destination was nearer - could very well be either story of my life, or sign of things to come.
Wednesday afternoon. Geared myself from an impossible adventure. Treated myself again to awesome burger in quite possibly the best place to get one around town. Perks of being a loner, I guess. And I could seriously get used to this kind of special treatment of myself - by myself.
I like taking long walks, especially when I’m down. It creates the illusion that no matter how long and how tiring things tend to be, there’s going to be a punctuational rest at the end of the journey. I say illusion because not many journeys have destinations and usually, the most difficult ones of all - when Murphy’s Law takes in effect - ends in the middle of an empty intersection, and you’re left with nothing more but uncertainty amidst a difficult, yet crucial, decision.
Lately, I’ve been feeling really really down, although I try my hardest not to make it evident. Problem is, I can’t take my sought-for long walks for fear that I might get lost in the process. But then again, what’s new? After all, before you get lost, you must first be found, and quite frankly, I’ve been waiting for someone to find me. Sadly, no one has, and maybe, in the end, no one wants to anyway.
Bakit daw, lalo na’t kung kakagaling lang sa kamalasan, kung kelan maayos na ang lahat ay siyang dadating ang maliit na kamalasang nagsisimula ng sikulong akala mo’y nakalaya ka na? Kadalasan nga yata e, hindi na dumadating. Nangyayari na lang. Yung tipong pag gising mo na lang, matatanto mong hindi mo na mahal ang taong nakasama mo sa loob ng bente-tres na taon.
Pero mas mahirap yata intindihin - kung bakit hindi kita masisi sa mga nangyayari.
Lord, alam ko close tayo dati, at alam kong desisiyon ko na rin makipag cool off muna sa yo. Pero ngayon dahil may pagka ipokrito ako, kagaya lang naman ng mga taong nagkukunwaring hindi, at dahil lagi na lang nadidikdik sa pagmumukha namin ang pananamapalataya sa yo, kahit hindi halata, parequest na lang po. Ikaw na bahala sa kanya ha.