As much as I would want this to be an intro to some new scientific breakthrough in technology that will end poverty as we know it. But nope, this is a lot more personal, but I guess it can share the same weight of idealism.
When I was in High School, I used to engage myself in conversations with lots of different people. Mostly, they’d start off as small talk, but would eventually find its way to the more serious stuff (kinda like the way I would always end up talking about campus politics in our camping class.) These include talks about career paths, prospect of family life, travelling abroad, etc. - you know, “adult stuff.”
Back then, whenever the conversation would liken itself to talk about these things, I would always catch myself in the middle of it and change topics almost in an instant. I would literally shudder at the point of realization, before telling the person at the other end of the conversation, “Ang babata pa natin, pinag-uusapan na natin to!”
Just this Friday, I found myself in a High School class reunion, and it still amazes me how situations have quickly changed in three years, and yet the people remain the same. The funny ones are still funny, the corny ones are still corny, and the responsible ones are still the organizers of the party.
In the middle of it all, I found myself talking to my best friend about employment, families, and travel - you know, “adult stuff.” And before I could even think of shuddering, I realized something, I can’t use my conclusive line to change the topic anymore.
Let’s face it. I’m nineteen years old. I can’t say that I’m too young to talk about “adult stuff,” because, well, I already am an adult! I’m graduating next year. I’m practically half-employed as an intern in one of the best employers a media enthusiast can ever dream of. And even as a partial employee, I’m already having issues with company loyalty and the like. Not really a problem for the non-adults.
As for family, two of my classmates already have two children each. One of them is my best friend during my Third Year. He just recently produced twins, and suddenly, the prospect of my own family life doesn’t seem so far away. And with travelling, I already have a “business trip” waiting for me in July. Who’s to say I’m too young to experience all of these?
Because I’m not too young. I am old enough. And I can’t rely on my Tagalog line to change the topic anymore. I remember the phrase “too close for comfort,” and I feel as though it’s perfect to describe the way I felt when I was talking about the grown-up stuff.
Frankly, it feels scary that these worries come as close and as constant as they have been for the past few weeks - particularly with the career questions. It’s kinda ironic, because here I am clueless about my internship status with the department, directionless without a thesis topic, and yet restless about conflicts about work. It’s almost as if I did a Benjamin Button with enrolment and employment.
"The future is here." Whenever someone of importance says that, people are always optimistic, trying to find hope in a slowly progressive world. When I say it to myself, all I find is confusion.