My biggest battles are the ones I have against myself. Too many times, I have forgotten that there are moments of weaknesses that come from within, and it is where to get the only source of strength that combat them.
But for now, I let myself lose. Because I know that by doing so, I also allow myself to win. Or at the very least, I allow myself the freedom to choose which of my self-battles I can overcome, and which to let go. After all, I am defeated in more ways than one. Let me lose by choice now.
Tomorrow, I will be in my own place, and you will stay in yours. You will stop looking for me and I will stop offering myself like a martyr. I am indebted to you for giving me a temporary purpose, which I need to release at this exact moment. Hopefully, I find my significance in things far from you. Hopefully, I can exist without you.
Anonymous asked: Let us drink and have us some beer and sadness. And by "some" I mean copious amounts of both. G? -T
Super G, though I’m not sure if I’ve already overdosed on both. Please just say, “there’s no such thing as overdosage,” and I’ll meet you in TK.
Love is a form of prejudice. You love what you need, you love what makes you feel good, you love what is convenient. How can you say you love one person when there are ten thousand people in the world that you would love more if you ever met them? But you’ll never meet them.
All right, so we do the best we can.
Granted. But we must still realize that love is just the result of a chance encounter. Most people make too much of it. On these grounds a good fuck is not to be entirely scorned.
But that’s the result of a chance meeting too.
You’re damned right. Drink up. We’ll have another. — Charles Bukowski
I will not make an attempt to make sense of what it is that i feel now, but all I need to know is that i need you. I need you to know that I have not given up on you, and yet I’ve given up on what you need me to be. My head is still up in the air with all that I can exhaust from you, but all I can do is think about what could have been and what else needs to be said.
I’m so lonely and I’m convinced that you’re all that I need to take the sadness away. All I can do now is hope that you, too, are aware that I am doing the best I can to pull away from you but all I can do is fail. And it’s a miserable failure that even I can’t save myself from.
Today is the day I’ve either doubted myself to the fullest extent, or accept myself to the most ultimate imperfection. Either way, I have attached myself in a way that I’ve never attached myself to anyone else. I hope you realize where I lie. I hope you understand where I stand.
I refuse to look at you because everything I plan to say is already in my head. I reject your beauty because I know that it’s the only thing that will make me change my script in the middle of my internal monologue. I am powerless when it comes to you.
But today, I decide that I no longer care about the things that you would reply to the things I want to say. I won’t even plan and prepare the things that you should know, because they’re not that far from what you already do. I am in a constant practice of writing and rewriting, asking and erasing, drafting and revising. In the end, I know, that when I am faced with the beauty of your face, I am left with no less than the words in my heart, and the feelings I have kept deep within.
With a slightly less heavy heart, I give you everything you need to know and more. What would you return, what would you give back?
Anonymous asked: Cute mo! I wanna date you.
Initial reaction is a mixture of aww + yay! HAHAHA
Let’s go out then!
Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost. — Khalil Gibran (via kaktus-roza)
(Source: movieonyoureyelids, via wherethetidestakeme)
Anonymous asked: I share in your sad and lonely but at least it won't be forever
I’m not sure which won’t be forever - your sharing or my sad & lonely, lol. But since I love you, I will presume the latter, but to which I ask, how can we be sure? How can you be absolutely positive that sadness is not permanent? Because happiness is not the one that stays. And it makes me feel a bit better knowing that.
Anonymous asked: I pray someone will find you where you are. But I pray more you'll share your space with her when she does :)
Please also pray that she doesn’t find me too soon, and that she doesn’t find me too late. Also that she’ll find me when I’m ready to be found by someone other than who I keep re-assembling this map for.
Thank you, anon! This made me ~legit smiled and I haven’t had one in a long time. :)
I had you but I lost you.
But someone told me that there is a place in the universe reserved just for the two of us. And that if I wanted to, I could always go back there.
So I bought a map of the universe to locate this space for us. But just after scanning it, I quickly find out that the universe is too big, and we’re too small. So out of the frustration of not being able to see where it is that we once were, and where it is that we’re supposed to be; I tore the map into a thousand pieces.
Later, when I noticed that the universe might have gone smaller, or that I may have grown bigger, I took out the pieces of the map I tore apart, determined to put it back together so I could finally settle in that little space we have.
But after trying and retrying, I had to give up. While the crumpled jigsaw puzzle still painted a nice picture of the universe, it had way too many missing pieces for it to be perfect. And I kill myself with the thought that the place the universe has for us may be found among the pieces that are gone. Now, I can never find that space again. I had lost it. I had lost you. This time, for good.
So let me take this chance to tell you that the universe is still as big as it can be, and we still can never compare to its size. But if you ever stumble upon the place the universe has for us, linger in it for a few minutes more because I am always on my way there. Always. Even if we’ll never find each other anymore. Never.
Someday, maybe we can finally meet there again, and hopefully never have to think about the other places the universe has for us and other people. Maybe.